State of Flux

Woah, guys!  I knew I hadn’t blogged in an eternity but had no idea it was fast approaching a whole year of radio silence.  As the last sentence of my last post shows – not intentional!

Gotta be honest; I’ve made up those kits and they remain un-sewn (apart from one Anderson blouse that I needed for a funeral, and haven’t been able to bring myself to wear since despite loving it).  I did finally hem that pencil skirt too and I adore it although I need to talk myself into refitting it.  Why do I detest doing that – making a whole new one from scratch feels like it’d be so much easier?  But wasteful so…

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The only other things that I’ve made in the last year are robes for A’s book day (Gryffindor, I’m a Ravenclaw), a pouch for a swap and another pencil skirt for the same funeral that has since gone to a charity shop because again, couldn’t get myself to wear it again as it was made for that particular circumstance.  I’ve also made a really tentative start on a Queen sized Haptic Lab constellation kit I was given for my birthday.

Last year kicked my family, my Husband in particular, really really hard.  His Dad died of cancer within about 4 months of diagnosis.  He actually died of a stroke(s) as the hospital was able to treat them because the medication to thin the blood would have made the tumour bleed out – it was a Catch 22 situation.  Everything was put on hold from the point of diagnosis of the cancer and life has only recently returned to a new kind of normal now that Probate and everything else has been dealt with.

It’s certainly made us all reevaluate certain priorities and decisions we were making.  The effect that dealing with everything around that particular situation has affected me in two ways, that juxtapose each other.  It’s made me more generous but also more selfish.  I am more generous with my affection but I’m also making sure I take time to look after myself; physically and mentally.

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That means I’ve learnt to say no and I’m saying it quite a lot.  Unless it’s something I really want to do and will benefit me or my family, I’m far more likely to say no now.  There are still things I end up doing that I’d rather I wasn’t but that’s because it’ll benefit someone I love in a way that will make a real difference to them (Hi, school fundraising!).

I’ve learnt that I have to put myself higher up my priority list, so that I’m fit and healthy and can enjoy life with my family.  This has meant putting myself into some situations that scare me and push me further than I thought I could go (hello Crossfit), and taking on challenges at work that may not be of immediate financial benefit but keep me engaged and enjoying my job.  I’m eating better and taking care of myself as best I can (mentally and physically) and that’s a whole learning process in itself.

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I’m being far more intentional about where my and our money goes.  Fabric and pattern acquisition has nosedived.  Not from the lack of pretty temptation but more because I now look at it and think if I *really* need whatever sparkly, shiny thing it is!  The fabric I have bought has been from other’s Instagram destashes and each piece has been bought with a purpose (all as yet to be fulfilled…).  Pattern wise, the only thing I’ve bought is the Ogden Cami.  I also have a beautiful piece of Merino from Lizzy that is destined to become a cardigan / wrap of some sort.

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There’s so much I want to cram into my days, but still only 24 hours in each one.  At the moment family and fitness is taking a priority over sewing but it’s never far from my thoughts.  I’ve realised that my wardrobe is now not ‘fit for purpose’ in that I have maybe twenty items in it and probably a quarter of those are ‘event’ dresses that are no good for climbing trees, adventuring with a 2 and 7 year old or going to work!  I’ve refined what I want my wardrobe to look like, what I want it to say and I’m now considering how to put that into action using what I already have.  I’ve been devouring and pondering ‘The Curated Closet’ by Anuschka Rees (as well as a couple of other books on the same subject) and it’s safe to say, those kits I put together last year are still needed – I just need to pull that poor sewing machine out and show her some love!

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3 thoughts on “State of Flux

  1. Losing a loved one so suddenly is so very, very hard. I know. Sending you all much love from this corner of the world.
    I need to follow your example and prioritise me a little. I’m rubbish at it and it’s starting to show. It’s a hard one to do and you’re so inspirational with that.
    Hope happy memories and your beautiful family are helping you all through this sad time. xx

  2. Hey sweetie, glad to see you back. Life is pretty crap sometimes but you seem to be coming through it stronger!
    Looking forward to seeing your Ogden, I’ve just finished one this afternoon, its a nice easy sew! Sending your family love x

  3. I hadn’t realized it was so long…these days I don’t read blogs as much as I used to and keep up on Instagram instead (shame on me!). So sorry for your loss…must be hard. I find exercising very useful for my sanity and well being, hope you find it useful too. Keeping everything in balance with two little ones can surely be challenging. Haven’t read that book yet but sounds interesting. Have been considering a capsule wardrobe but having trouble parting form many items. I also don’t buy patterns anymore (though temptation is around the corner)…fabric is a different story 😉

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